Sex is supposed to be an enjoyable joint venture. Unfortunately, many of us find ourselves in between the sheets, often, with a man who offers sub-par excellence in the performance department. This relationship slowly becomes a time-waster, as you end up fantasizing about a better sex life or invest in a variety of sex toys to get the job done.

Wouldn’t it be great if we had a few subtle clues about a man’s savviness, before we took it all off? While purely speculative, we’d like to believe these five signs prove that he probably sucks in bed. So, that you, all deserving, can go find a stallion instead.

1. He’s Always Drunk- Don’t fall for this one. While at first it might seem that this lax and easygoing guy likes to have some fun, he has absolutely no way of getting it up and keeping it up half the time, thanks to his obsessive abuse of drugs and/or alcohol. If your potential bedmate is too busy with the bottle, he’s never going to make a passionate and lustful partner. Men need to get things up to get started, and a mix of depressants will not do the job. Leave him at the bar for someone else to pick up at closing time. You’ll be glad you did.

2. He Tells You He’s Great- Any man that tells you how much his former lovers praised his bedroom skills, is probably a liar. The proof is in the pudding, so why the bragging and self-pep talk?

3. He’s Vain- A vain man who spends the same amount (if not more) time in the mirror than you, is bound to be bad in bed. This man will ALWAYS be wondering about his looks, while placing very little emphasis on your own. Beware of mirror sex with this one, he’ll be checking himself out, the WHOLE time.

4. He Has Bad Breath- Think about it, if you want to be good in bed you should be touchable and kissable. If a man can’t get his breath issue in order, sex is going to be nasty gross whenever he comes in for a kiss. Bad breath will ruin your sex life and the worst part is, you’ll always be afraid to tell him for fear of being rude. This is a no-win. (Maybe send an anonymous letter and let him know what happened so he can get laid in the future, perhaps.)

5. He Hooks Up- Now, this one is a little debatable. If you find a man from a sex or dating site, there’s a small chance he will be good. But, let’s get real. What’s the likelihood? If you were TRULY a fascinating creature of the sheets, would you need to resort to free sex chatting with strangers? And on top of that, what level of intimacy can this man even have if he’s become used to talking to strange girls who post naked pics? This guy is a complete dud in the sex department. And he’s probably unemployed as well and spends his days jerking off. Any guy who is truly a gem in bed takes real women out on real dates and takes the necessary time to please her in bed. If he’s looking for disposable flings left and right, it’s probably because his performance is, for lack of a better word, equally disposable.

While there are no steadfast, tried and true rules that indicate whether a guy will suck in bed, these 5 clues might tip you off to future disappointment. Knowledge is power!

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